Be the influence you want to see

Today is about influence, this is one of the ultimate transformations we make in our lives; the moment we go from trying to survive or thrive for ourselves to the days we strive to be better for others. There is haphazardly chasing success for self, and there is showing up every day connected to your values and striving with integrity to progress and be of service so that you can be a positive influence in the world.

Influence doesn’t just happen. It is something that you develop through intention. You must do this with integrity. You are influencing those around you whether you know and like it or not. People are watching you. Make sure it’s a positive experience.

I think it’s important to note that influence comes in many different guises and doesn’t require you to conform to a pre-defined personality or way of being. We don’t need to be extrovert, you don’t need to be senior, you don’t need to be experienced – you just need to act with integrity for the benefit of others – you just have to be willing to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and be conscious of who is watching you. Having influence means you get people to believe in you or your ideas, to follow your lead.

"We’re not who we say we are, we’re not who we want to be. We are the sum of the influence and impact that we have, in our lives, on others" - Cal Sagan

One reason people struggle to gain influence in any sphere of their lives is that they simply don’t ask for what they want. People drastically underestimate the willingness of others to engage and help, but you never know until you ask. Underperformers fail to ask all the time. If you want more influence, ask and ask often.

In all the asking, don’t forget to give. In just about any area of endeavour, giving to others with no expectation of return increases your overall success. You can double your ability to influence others by giving before you ask for something. High performers have a giving mindset. The enter almost every situation looking for way to help others.

Brendon teaches 3 practices to help enhance your influence.

(1) teach them how to think about themselves, others, and the world;

(2) challenge them to develop their character, connections, and contributions; and

(3) role model the values you wish to see them embody.

PRACTICE ONE: TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO THINK

In every situation of influence, prepare by asking yourself how do you want other people to think about (a) themselves, (b) other people, and (c) the world at large.

Then communicate that consistently.

Shape people’s thinking by saying things like: “Think of it this way…..” “What do you think about… “ “What would happen if we tried…”

PRACTICE TWO: CHALLENGE PEOPLE TO GROW

Influencers challenge others in three realms. First, they challenge their character. The second they challenge is their connection with others. High performers are explicit in their expectations for how people should treat each other. The third area is their contributions. Push them to add more value or to be more generous. Observe people’s character, connections and contributions, and actively challenge them to develop those things even further. Ask people if they gave their all, if they could be treating those around them better, and if they could give even more or serve with even greater excellence and distinction.

Here are some prompts to help you with this practice:

• The person I am trying to influence has the following character strengths

• They are probably too hard on themselves in this area….

• If I could tell them how to improve who they are, I would tell them…

• What would inspire this person to treat other people better is….

• The greatest contribution this person is making is…..

• What I really want this person to contribute more of is…

PRACTICE THREE: ROLE-MODEL MENTALITY

The best way to get into a role model mindset is to start with thinking of the role models in your life so far. So here's a little exercise to do:

1. Think of the 3 most positively impactful people in your life (Note these can be from afar - I'd cite Bruce Lipton as one of mine - you don't need to have met or known them if thet have they influenced you)

2. Write down the way they were a role model to you.

3. Write down the values that they seemed to live by, which you can start demonstrating more of in your own life

4. Imagine you were explaining your life to one of them, based on what you've said above, how might they coach you to start thinking or behaving?

5. Now think of 3 people in your life that you could really benefit by being a role model to?

6. Write down one thing you could do or say to each of them to show them that you care and show how you'll be a role model to them

7. Lastly, think about and then complete this setence:

If at the end of my life I was going to feel happy and fulfilled with how I lived, I woud have to have been a person who....

Now take that inisght and apply practices one and two to those people! To do that may require the subject of the next blog - HP6 - Demonstrate Courage...

Until next time...