For weeks I've been promising that we’d focus on Core Values and understanding for ourselves what each of ours are.
So let’s get started with getting to know yourself.
Here I am going to utilise the method and models of human behavioural psychology as espoused by Dr. John Demartini
‘If you take responsibility for your life and ask quality questions about how to fulfil it, you become a magnet for opportunities. People and money are irresistibly drawn to energy, enthusiasm, and certainty.’ - Dr. John Demartini
WHAT ARE VALUES?
For a lot of people, this term conjures up a variety of things including: abstract qualities such as honesty, integrity or trust. Or a set of religious beliefs, a patriotic ideal or a code of morality. These are not what we mean when we refer to personal values. In this context, personal values are the true driving force that shapes perceptions, decisions, actions and feelings.
Values are as specific to as your fingerprints, your retinal pattern, and your voiceprint. Perhaps what is truly valued most now is spending time with family, listening to a beautiful piece of music, or having the chance to play football several times a week. Our highest values are known to change throughout our lifetime but they are still the very essence of who we are, what we’re drawn to, what we inevitably seek out, what we live for.
They are a kind of like an internal compass, pointing us towards the activities, people and places that most fulfil us. They lead us away from the situations, and people that are most likely to feel unfulfilling.
“Just like no one else can choose your fingerprints, or alter the pattern of your retina, no outside authority – no parent, teacher, political leader or religious figure – can define your values. Only you can look into your own mind, heart and soul and discover what is truly most important to you.” -John De Martini, taken from “The Values Factor”
WHY ARE VALUES POWERFUL?
“Your unique purpose is to understand and fulfil your highest values. It is both a spiritual quest, and the key to a fulfilling life.” - John De Martini, taken from “The Values Factor”
For an individual seeking their purpose, values are powerful in helping them discover who you are, what you want to do with your life and the direction you can take in order to fulfil the who and the what.
Values are powerful in four ways:
An acknowledgement of what matters to you; will give you insight into the type of relationship you want with your employer – what you want from working – intellectual challenge, lifestyle enhancements, societal change
It will help you appreciate and be honest about what is of value to you – this may provide inspiration or awareness of where you should focus your career or why you’re passionate about something.
It will also tell you where your challenges may lie – if your role is not related to your higher values that’s going to problematic
In a wider context, for life in general, knowing your current values is so useful as it helps explain changes in relationships, views, desires etc
“Your highest values determine your attention, retention and intention: what you notice, what you remember, what you intend or act upon” - John De Martini, taken from “The Values Factor”
WHAT ARE YOUR HIGHEST VALUES?
Clarity of your personal values (and let’s be clear here these are the programmes in your sub-conscious that are driving your behaviour 95% of each and every day) helps define your personal WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO. So now that we can see how fundamental understanding our personal values are, it’s time to discover them.
And for that we are going to do an exercise together.
EXERCISE - IDENTIFYING YOUR VALUES?
This uses an adaption of Dr. John DeMartini’s 13-Question Value Determination Exercise to assist with this. We do this because it’s simple, quick to do, but massively effective. It is based on the universal laws of energy, the insight of many philosophers, psychologists, doctors and practitioners the world over. It has proven over and over to provide actionable insight. To assist you I’ve created this in a separate template so you can use that offline.
STEP ONE:
Answer the 10 questions privided on the template and below, with 3 examples for each. For each question, chose the three examples that are most important to you. Long sentences explaining yourself is not necessary, this is just for you.
1. How do you fill your personal space?
Whether you’re a hoarder or not, you accumulate things over time in your attic, garage or hard to reach storage spot. You might believe that you value your prized baseball card collection, but if you have packed it away where you never see it, the collection actually is not as important to you as those things that you see and use every day and keep where you can see and touch them, either at home or at work.
Look around your home or office, do you see family photos, sports trophies, business awards, books? Do you see beautiful objects, comfortable furniture for friends to sit on, or souvenirs of favourite places you’ve visited? Perhaps your space is full of games, puzzles, DVDs, CDs, or other forms of entertainment? Whatever you see around you is a very strong clue as to what you value most. So what 3 things in your space represent you most?
I.e. Family photos; that Bridget Jones’s Diary special edition box set; Loads of exotic plants.
2. How do you spend your time?
You make time for things that are really important to you, and run out of time for things that aren’t. Even though people usually say, “I don’t have time for what really I want to do”, the truth is that they are too busy doing what is truly important to them. You find time for things that are really important to you. Somehow, you figure it out. So how do you spend your time? Which three actions do you spend your time on most?
I.e. Checking out the gossip on Facebook (you can put it down as passive socialising if you want); playing games on your phone; Listening to music; Travelling; Shopping.
3. How do you spend your energy?
You have energy for the things that inspire you – the things you value most – whilst you run out of energy for things that do not inspire you. That’s because things that are low among your values drain you, whereas things that are high among your values energise you. In fact, when you are doing something that you value highly, you have more energy afterward than when you started because you’re doing something that you love and are inspired by. Maybe you love to play football so much that you feel energised even after the game even if you’re tired. So which three actions do you get your energy from?
I.e. Playing cards with your mates right into the early morning; making that big sale come through on the job; Cycling around Hyde Park; Planning your holidays
4. How do you spend your money?
Again, you find money for things that are valuable to you, but you don’t want to part with money for things that are not important to you. So your choices about spending money tell you a great deal about what you value most. These can be experiences, objects, and services anything really. What are the three items you spend most of your money on and always find money for?
I.e. Hiring a cleaner because you don’t get dirty to be clean; the best headphones because you’re an audiophile; Sky diving through the Swiss Alps. Come on, do you really need examples for this one?
At this point you may be noticing some overlaps and similarities between your answers – this is a great sign. It means that you have already aligned a lot of your highest values, goals and daily activities. If you notice a lot of divergence between the answers to these first four questions, you might not be being totally honest – maybe you are deferring to a social idealism of what you “should” do, so just ensure you’re being totally honest.
5. Where do you have the most order and organisation?
We bring order and organisation to things that are important to us and allow chaos and disorder to things that are low on our values. It could be your social calendar, your dietary regimen, your clothes and wardrobe, your business, your finances, your spiritual rituals, your cooking area, or your house. Everyone has some item of area of life that is most organised. Which three items or areas do you have most organise?
6. Where are you most reliable, disciplined and focused?
You don’t have to be prodded from the outside to do things that you value the most. You are inspired from within to do those things…. And so you do them. Look at the activities, relationships, and goals for which you are disciplined, reliable and focused – the things that nobody has to get at you to do. Which three activities are you most reliable or disciplined at doing?
7. What are your internal dialogue topics?
What do you keep talking to yourself about the most? Not negative self-talk. What you think to yourself about what you desire – internal dialogues that actually seem to be coming true. Which three outcomes about how you would love your life to be do you talk to yourself about most?
8. What do you talk about in social settings?
Now here’s a clue that you’ll probably notice for other people as well as yourself. What are the topics that you keep wanting to bring into the conversations that nobody has to remind you to talk about? What subjects turn you into an instant extravert? Topics that immediately bring you to life and start you talking… You can use the same insight to analyse other people’s values. If someone asks you about your kids, that means that their either kids or your kids are important to them. If they says “How’s business?” they value business. If they ask “Are you seeing anyone new?” then relationships matter to them. Topics that attract you are a key to what you value. Which three topics do keep wanting to talk to others about most?
9. What inspires you?
What inspires you now? What has inspired you in the past? Who inspires you? What is common to the people that inspire you? Figuring out what inspires you most reveals what you value most. Which three people, actions or outcomes inspire you most, and what is common to them?
10. What are the most consistent long term goals you have set?
What are the three long-term goals that you have focussed on that you are bringing into reality? Again, we’re not talking about fantasies. We want the dreams you are bringing into reality slowly but surely, the dreams that have been dominating your mind and your thoughts for a while. So which are the three most important goals that you keep focussing on that are gradually coming true and appear in your reality?
I.e. To be financially comfortable enough to work part time; to be bigger than the iPhone; to write a book; to climb to Everest base camp now and at the age of 65 (unless your 65 now, then this is awkward).
STEP TWO:
Now that you three answers to each of the 10 questions, it’s time to identify the answers that repeat most often. You’ll have noticed that among your 30 answers there is a certain amount of repetition (maybe even a lot of repetition) You are expressing the same kinds of values in different ways – for example “Spending time with people I like”, “having a drink with my work colleagues”, “Going out to eat with my friends” – if you look closely you’ll see patterns begin to emerge.
Look at your answers and assess the answer that is most often repeated and write beside it number of how often it repeats. Then find the second most frequent answers, then the third, and so on, until you have ranked every single answer. This gives you a good primary indicator of what your highest values are, and the hierarchy of them overall.
STEP THREE:
Summarise and prioritise your values. Based on how often your answers appear and repeat, create a list of your five most important values in priority order, with the most important first…
This list gives you your hierarchy of values – a structure that you can build your life around and make decisions from.
Did you gain an insight into yourself that resonated?
I know that we all talk about the things we want to do but don’t quite find the time for. When you understand your values it becomes clear – it’s not that we don’t find the time, it’s quite simply that they are just not aligned to your highest values…
If you use these to go back and review the goals you created in Jan that we talked about assessing the progress against last week, you may well find that the ones that align to the values you’ve just listed in your hierarchy are the ones you are having great progress with, and the ones that you’re struggling may reflect areas you want to change but don’t currently align – reflecting the increased effort needed to get those into the habit loops in your subconscious.
It’s good and challenging to begin to see the interconnectivity of things. I hope that, like me, you see this as empowering as it gives you the knowledge to appreciate aspects of yourself and how you are living your life – but also the insight to know how you can change it. That is true empowerment.
Enjoy! And if you’d like to share your values with you – I’d love to chat them through with you…
Until next time…
NB - if you'd like to read more about this from Dr Demartini and do his full 13-step process then please click here
