All around us we hear people making excuses for where they are in their life. Whether it's blaming their genetics, their families, their boss, their team, the government, their experiences or some higher force, it's an pandemic of unaccountability.
With very few exceptions, we are a sum of the decisions that we have made. Be they ill or well-informed ones, they are the ones we made and we need to own it. That's the only place that the power to change who and where we are in life comes from.
"Our lives are the sum of the decisions we have made". Wayne Dyer
When I was younger, I was convinced I'd be married in my early 20s, a mother, a home-maker. I dreamed of being the 1950s housewife. I wanted a kitchen garden and swing-chair on a porch, friends with my neighbours, and really close to my siblings - A nice quiet, simple life. None of those things happened.
I am 42, i've been single for essentially 13 years, child-less and can't have any, overweight and in constant pain. I bought my first house at 38 - no kitchen garden, no porch. I've no savings to speak of, I chose to leave a safe career to go out alone, i've lost some of my closest friends for reasons I don't undertsand, I know 1 one where I live, and my siblings aren't really interested in a relationship with me.
And I would not change a thing.
"Your 'destiny' is the sum total of your decisions that you make to satisify yourself at a point in time. Not something that awaits you." - Anna Clara Augustine
Whilst I'm not where I always thought I'd be, I am exactly where the sum of my choices have led me. I recognise all the times I made choices that led me away from my fairytale. I own every single one of them and I have no regrets. Not one.
We all want to beleive in the fairytale and social media tries to convince us that some people do have them. But real-life is a lot more complicated and messy. The only way I believe we can have a fulfilling, satisifying, happy life is to take accountability for every choice and the consequences of those choices.
"When you think everything is someone's fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realise that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy." - Dalai Lama
I've blogged a lot about accountability at work and how it's sorely missing in far too many places. Politics demonstrates that to us all the time - trying to pretend they didn't promise or say things that there are video records of, expecting us to live by rules they flout. At work we have leaders who don't practice what the preach, and yet expect us to. We have bosses who throw us under the bus to save themselves and who present our work as theirs. We have friends who are hypocrits and judge others whilst being exactly what they proport to hate. We ourselves will be guilty of all those things - they make us human.
"Being accountable is an enormous privilege... It's what marks anyone as a fully grown human" - Barack Obama
Taking personal accountability sadly isn't something we are taught how to do, like so many of lifes' essential skills it isn't on any curriculum - at school or work - and that is a shame. We live in a culture that is all too happy to create blame and abdicate accountability - we could carry on like that, but that same culture is also one that is full of hate, bigotry and suffering. I don't want that to be the place I live, the place we leave to later generations. We are all intelligent enough to recognise when we need to change, and that time is now.
"The secrets ingredients to true happiness? Decisive optimism and personal accountability." Amy Leigh Mercree
To take control of our lives we just have to own all those aspects of ourselves. To create a life we want we have to integrate all those aspects of ourselves without judgement or regret. And you know what, that is super easy - it's called Gratitude.
Each and every one of us has such much to be grateful for. Even if we don't have the fairytale, we are blessed in more ways than we'll ever be able to comprehend or know. Just the ability to consider options and make decisions is something many don't have. To make bad decisions to treat others unfairly and have the opportunity to make it good is a blessing. To be able to overcome the mistakes of our past and prosper is a blessing. To be able to recognise a trait in ourselves today and make effort from now on to change, it pay it forward, to show kindness to some less fortunate, to hug our kids, to sleep in a bed, to have a passion we can dream about let alone work towards manifesting - these are all blessings. The power to make the decisions that we have, needsto be balanced with the responsibility of dealing with the consequences of them.
"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month." - Theodore Roosevelt
Those consequences don't have to be negative - there is just as much accountability for positive outcomes - to share the success, to educate others to replicate it, to inspire others to try, to bring joy to those who benefit. Sharing your experiences with humility and gratitude is one of the most accountable things you can do.
"I will forever remain humble beacuse I know I could have less. I will always be grateful bacuse I know I've had less." - Joe Sacco
So, I think we all need to take a find some time, and reflect on our lives to see where we are not being accountable, where we are blaming another for an aspect of our lives that we don't like, where we have treated others in a way we'd hate to be treated. We need to be honest with ourselves, and once we have, we need to forgive ourselves, and find the gratitude for each and every example. Once you've found that, let the bad go, find a way to share the good, and work to incorporate that as a habit in your life.
I call them Sunday Reflections...
"It is only when you take accountability for your life that you discover how powerful you truly are." - Allanah Hunt
Until next time...
Comments