One of the pitfalls of being such a therapeutically savvy culture is that we can often see where our problems come from, but then use that knowledge as an excuse to avoid moving forward in life; e.g. “I can’t start a business, because I came last in the social enterprise competition at school when I was 14.” While self-awareness is a vital facet of transformation, insight alone does not guarantee change. How many people do you know who appear to fully understand the nature of their problems, without seeming to be able to do anything to alter them?
The essence of any true transformation lies in the letting go.
There is a time for everything, and not all of our challenges are meant to disappear just because we want them to or think that they should. Some problems must simply be lived with, and some simply lived through. Many, however, have outstayed their welcome and are long overdue for release. We continue to entertain them, however, because we’ve discovered that some of our troubles actually have their advantages. In spite of our protestations to the contrary, we perpetuate many of our dramas because we’ve found that they leverage sympathy, help us avoid taking responsibility for our lives, and give us viable reasons for avoiding risk in life without much chance of being challenged.
In short, they become our comfort zone.
And so, we’ve grown attached to the very things we complain about the most. So attached, in fact, that we’ve even come to identify with them. We have been buried under the mountain of false beliefs, arduous expectations, and unresolved resentments that we’ve been carting around. Rather than see ourselves as innately capable, we have been frustrated by all sorts of burdensome attachments that have thwarted expression in our lives. In order to experience change therefore, we will need to release all that is keeping us out of balance in our lives, so that the possibility can begin to manifest itself fluidly and effortlessly in our lives.
We are standing at the crossroads, and we must make a choice. We can either hold on to the old ways, or we can jump off the cliff by letting go of that which is familiar. We are required to surrender those things within ourselves that do not serve us — not so that we can get something in return, but simply because it is the better choice for our growth in life.
Having the willingness to absolutely let go is the one crucial key to transforming our lives. Hence the stereotype of ‘bottoming out’ before one is willing to change, which implies that most of us are not willing to let go of our way of doing things until we’ve completely bankrupted ourselves.
Try asking yourself the following questions:
Am I so stubborn that I must lose everything, and everybody who comes into my life before I become willing to change?
How willing am I to be inconvenienced? To be uncomfortable? To be wrong?
How willing am I to surrender control? To follow directions? To take real risks where I might actually fail at something?
Wherever you’ve answered with a resounding negative, or even hesitated just the slightest bit, is probably the exact place that you will need to go in order to expand your opportunities for life.
When we talk about ‘letting go’ of our challenges, we are not talking about ‘getting rid’ of them. Trying to get rid of a problem is like the compulsive overeater who goes on a crash diet rather than deal with the underlying grief and fear that is driving the addiction. That approach, however, is us trying to deal with the problem at the level of symptom, rather than at the level of cause. Instead we must root out our false beliefs and the underlying fears that motivate our behaviours.
This exercise is one I personally use regularly - it is simple, effective and supportive of whatever you are seeking to become. You can use it for any aspect of life, not just work - anything that I feel is done in my life, such as emotional connections or beliefs I’ve out-grown. I find it so freeing. In fact, I have friends that love it too, so we do it somewhere out in nature, with a nice bottle of wine and really put ourselves first and turn it into a ritual. It can be a very intense exercise, but it's also great to reflect on the changes that have occurred since the last time, it feels very transformational.
So here are the steps to the very simple Release Exercise, I hope you try it out and find it helpful.
STEP ONE
At the top of a piece of paper, write on the left-hand-side, “I Release:” and, on the right-hand-side, “I Embrace.”
Underneath the “I Release” heading, write down all those self-limiting beliefs that are standing between you and the possibility of being a business owner.
Some of these things you will feel completely ready to release today. Others, you will see as needing more work and exploration on your part as they perhaps feel more pervasive and deeply rooted.
STEP TWO
Now create a peaceful atmosphere appropriate to performing an emotional ritual. (Light a candle, burn incense, or put on background music that you love. For that those are so inclined the best time to do this is with a full moon as the lunar energies are all about releasing so they will emphasise the effects)
Take out the list of things you want to release. Now, on the right side of the paper, underneath the heading “I Embrace”, write down what you would need to embrace to let each thing go. Write the ‘counter-thoughts’ opposite the things you want to release in order to bring yourself back into fair exchange, and release the block…
Example:
I Release I Embrace
(e.g., “I release procrastination and I embrace completing tasks promptly.”).
Before moving into the next part of the ritual, take a photo or scan what you’ve written down, so you don’t lose the positive statements.
STEP THREE
Now, using a pair of scissors, cut the list across the page so that there is only one issue (with an “I Release” and an “I Embrace”) on each piece of paper.
Bring your papers to a place where it is safe to burn them. If that is outside great, if you have to be inside then have a bowl of water to hand to put the burning paper in when you can no longer hold onto it.
Now, in a calm and positive way, speak each thing that you are letting go of and each thing that you are embracing out loud and then burn it
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“What has been full must empty; what has increased must decrease. This is the way of Heaven and Earth. To surrender is to display courage and wisdom.” —Ralph Blum
Until next time...
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