In a world of immediacy - instant gratification, same-day delivery, social media and every invention seemingly aimed at making one task or another faster - are we creating systemic impatience?
Our personal lives are definitely flowing in that direction, and in many ways work is following suit - the expectations of how quickly we read that IM or email, the response time to those, the deadlines for completing assignments all seem to be getting shorter. The remote working that the past year has necessitated seems to have been coupled with a raising of expectations regarding availablility, responsiveness and speed of delivery (all coupled with near constant video meetings)
So what if any role does patience have to play for us now? and are we still capable of it?
In this blog I explore in mental impact of immediacy, the challenges with patience, and why, whilst frustrating for those who are ready to move forward, we may want to take the lead from the career development world when it comes to resetting expectations (ours and others).
What impact does immediacy have on us. well physiologically those expectations of immediacy creates a stress response - so constant expecations for immediacy will ensure we live in a stress response at all times. I've written before about stress in my blog Modern Stress, so i won't repeat all of that again, but needless to say it's not the healthy state to live in. It means the sympathetic nervous system is constantly engaged, cortisol flowing through the system at all times, it means many of our maintainance and repair systems are switched off, our digestive capacity reduced, blood flow increased to our limbs ready to fight or take flight... it makes it harder to sleep, harder to concentrate, anxiety increases, along with headaches, panic attacks and paranoia.
In a world like this, what hope does patience have? Patience requires a calm mind, calm body, with a totally different chemistry mix - it's all about the parasympathetic system - endorphins, positive emotions like empathy, compassions, it requires a slower blood flow, a quieter mind. Patient people are, the scientific research assures us, happier, more peaceful, healthier and better friends and relatives.
So how do we bring the skill of patience into the instant world we live in... and can we?
there are many techniques and approaches to help you learn or improve your patience (as a skill) and the effects of these are well documented. I'll a share a few in a second to save you looking them up, but first i wanted to address how to get the space to be patience at work. As i feel this is a challenging situation for many concerned about the negative interpretation of "taking too much time" to respond, to complete work etc.
The word you are seeking here is Boundaries. Clear, communicated and held to boundaries. We all have them in certain aspects of our lives - whether it be protecting that time for a morning run, a sunday lie-in a friday mates meet-up, the saturday football or the daily meditation. Where we feel in control we are comfotable to create boundaries. Where we value the outcome of the activity, we prioritise that time. This really is no different. Value your own time, your own way or working, your own health and put some work boundaries in. Here are 6 ways to acheive that.
1) Add a note to your email signature
over the course of the past 18months, people have had to get used to other not working 9-5 - be that to cover childcare, timezone challengs due to no travel etc, so there is a normalcy now in seeing notes from colleagues to manage expectations. So do that yourself. If you protect your productive time by only checking emails twice a day - share that. if you always take a lunchbreak between 12-1 shar that. Be clear and concise so they don't get inpatient.
"Patience is the best remedy to every trouble" - Plautus
2) Update your status on the Instant Messaging Tools
nearly all the tools used - Teams, Zoom et al - allow you to set a status - that is always sent or appears by your name. Use this. Be honest and tell colleagues if you're not going to be online. I've often used - "my head is deep in a spreadsheet, so don't expect a reply before 4pm" or such like. This means that you can create a boundary
"Have patience with all things, but, first of all with yourself." Saint Francis de Sales
3) Block time in your diary
Even if it's not a meeting with another person, you can still put something in your diary to show you're busy. Be that preparing tha tpresentation, working on those numbers, or thinking about the way to compelte a complex task - these are all valid reasons to not be available. Don't be afraid to demonstrate that by showing yoruself as busy in your calendar.
4) Use your Out Of Office (OOO)
You don't have to be on leave to use this. If you're going to be working hard on something and you don't want to be disturbed, then use the functionality. Add into the message the fact that you're busy working to meet a deadline and so won't be responding until X (time or day). Be brave and create the sapce for yourself to excel at what you're being paid to do.
5) Manage expectations of when something can be complete.
There seems to be an expectation when you take an action in a meeting that it rises right to the top of your to do list. if that's not the case, then state it. Be fair and honest if the expectation of when you'll be able to get around to it - and if that doesn't work then suggest someone else takes the action, or request what else should be de-priotisied to make space. This can be daunting as we all want to impress our seniors and be an invaluable part of the time, but being stressed and sick does not quality output make, and your team will appreciate the honest and transparency. there are very few things that are actually that urgent. if they are they won't mind something else moving backwards to create the space.
"Patience is not simply the ability to wait, it's how we behaving whilst we're waiting" - Joyce Meyer
6) Say No
This can be the scariest thing to do. so whilst it's sounds simple, the key to is to explain why it's a no. If you have deadlines and commitments sufficient to fill your days, then be honest about that. If there is no capacity - there is no capacity, as in 5 - quality over quantity should be the aim here. if pushed, then be clear on the impact that will have on quality. If the recipient of the output is happy to receive a lower-graded output in less time, then negotiate on that and find a solution your are confident you can deliver.
"Learning patience can be a difficult experience, but once conquerde you will find life is easier" - Catherine Pulsifer
The key to creating boundaries is ofcourse observing them and holding them firm. A house with flexible walls doesn't create much protection. Using any of 1-4 and then still replying will tell people the boundary can be breached and then will do that. If you agree a deadline, ensure you can meet it - don't over-promise and under-deliver. Honesty and expecatation managmeent needs to be matched with quality and timely delivery. The consequences of not doing that is that your reputation will be damaged, and that will only increase your stress levels once again.
If we all begin to create and hold our boundaries - then we can reset our working lives to a more balanced and attainable level. I know that if you start doing these, your colleagues, whilst maybe annoyed at first, will start to follow suit.
Whilst we may be so used to the immediacy of life, there is a little part of each of us that relishes the times we don't have it. opening that parcel that took 2 weeks not a day, reading a letter or postcard over an email or text, I don't know about you but there was something quite special about meeting up with friends after lockdown - it was a feeling i'd long missed.
So for that that are up for the patience challenge, here are some of the most researched techniques to help you:
1. Make Yourself Wait The best way to practice patience is to make yourself wait. Like any new skills we want to make a habit, we need to do this daily until we create new neural pathways. Yes waiting for something can feel like forever, but the time goes by despite your waiting… You can do this by simply postponing your daily pleasures for as long as you can. For example, if you like to eat a dessert after dinner, try postponing it until 15-20 minutes after dinner. These small acts of patience may seem too small to have an impact, but practicing them every day actually adds up in teaching you how to be more patient.
2. Be Mindful of the Things Making You Impatient
Whatever it is that you are waiting for WILL come / happen sooner or later, so you might as well notice what is happening around you and try to enjoy the time while you’re waiting. Being mindful and aware of your surroundings, things that are happening at the present moment and things that you sense can help improve feelings of wellness, relieve anxiety and even pain (tried and true this one!). Mindfulness is becoming globally recognised for its ability to greatly improve both self-awareness and feelings of wellness.
3. Be Grateful
Whenever you get impatient thinking about how long something will take, remind yourself of what you already have that is related to what you are waiting for, and be grateful for that. The benefits of gratitude i have already shared in my blog "gratitude is the best attitude", and it hold in these circumstances too. A recent study demonstrated that those who feel grateful are better at patiently delaying gratification. When given the choice between getting an immediate cash reward or waiting a year for a larger windfall, less grateful people caved in once to the immediate payment, while grateful people could hold out. If we’re thankful for what we have today, we’re not desperate for more stuff or better circumstances immediately.
4. Reframe the situation.
Feeling impatient is not just an automatic emotional response; it involves conscious thoughts and beliefs, too. If a colleague is late to a meeting, you can fume about their lack of respect, or see those extra 15 minutes as an opportunity to get some reading done. Patience is linked to self-control, and consciously trying to regulate our emotions can help us train our self-control muscles.How you react to any situation is entirely within your gift, so frame what you could be impatient at into a positive opportunity.
I'll end this blog by sharing this love quote from Gabby Bernstein. It really resonates with me that the more impatient we become, the less opportunities we are giving the universe to really surprise us with how amazing life can b
e. taking the first available option every time, is rarely going to give us the life of our dreams. So in these circumstances, a little patience could take us a long long way. As Gabby says - Practice Patients and Allow.
Until next time...
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