As we finish up Mental Health Awareness Week here in the UK, I wanted to focus on two themes: Firstly how to incorporate your well-being at this unprecedented times into your working week, and secondly the theme from this year’s focus - 'kindness'
When we talk about well-being, conventional wisdom says that it is a weekend and evening thing. It's when you splurge on a spa deal, or cook a healthy Sunday breakfast after meditation and a jog. It's a state of mind that's downright incompatible with work, in part because it's supposed to be the counterweight to it. The two should never, ever be mixed.
To that I say: No, You've got it wrong.
I’ve mentioned self-care and well-being in many of my blogs, so now let’s talk about getting it integrated into the 40-plus hours you spend at work every week. I believe your career should actually further your well-being in the long run, both personally and professionally, rather than run you down.
As someone who suffered burnout earlier in my career, I can tell you from first-hand experience – it can be life-altering if you don’t take care of yourself.
So to ensure we take on the messages from mental health awareness week, here are seven ways to make sure you're taking good care of yourself.
1) Be Aware of your Stressors
As you now know from my blog on stress, what causes us stress is not a one size fits all. We are all different and need to know what exactly causes us stress.
Is it the workload, the people you work with, meeting deadlines? Are you stressed working in a team, or when you need to work alone? Do you prefer an environment in which a lot is happening, or do you need quiet time, free of distractions?
As a student, I was amazed that some friends could only study effectively in the student lounge with lots of activity, others only on their own without any distractions. Neither side could see how the other could concentrate – the noise in one made it hard to focus, the lack of distraction for the other meant their mind wandered. Self-awareness for both of them was and still is an essential first step in emotional intelligence, and crucial to knowing what we need to do to look after our emotional needs.
So what about your work environment stresses you out? And what can you do about it?
2) Be Proactive to Reduce Your Stress
Don't mistake proactivity with obsessive type-A-ness. It is actually a way to make your life easier and your career more worthwhile.
How? If you don't need a boss to tell you what to do because you can figure it out for yourself, that's one less person breathing down your neck. And if you are all the things that proactive people typically are—organised, prepared, problem-spotting and -solving, etc.—then you are likely coasting through work in a state of serene competence, which is actually a nice place to be.
Plus, building a reputation for being on top of your game not only makes your job more secure, it helps you build the momentum that makes your work pay off faster in the form of promotions and salary bumps come review time.
3) Grill Your Boss From Time to Time
I believe, a lot of stress at work comes from not knowing exactly where you stand - what your boss expects of you, what they think of how you’re performing, how you're doing on a day-to-day basis, whether you could be doing your job better, and so on.
Rather than wondering what's up, put some time on your boss's calendar to check in and get the candid feedback that will get you out of the dark and into a place where you can grow and improve. Make it clear to them if you are not clear from them. In these times it’s even more important than ever. Make it their responsibility as you boss to give you the clarity you deserve.
4) Ask for Help when you Need it.
There is no benefit to being a hero or a martyr. Asking for help when you need it is not a sign of weakness; it is an indication of someone who knows themselves, is open and a good team player. This is something I’ve often spoken of in my blogs because it truly is a game changer.
Consider that others may feel good about the fact that you trust them and their work enough to ask them for help. Do this when you are genuinely overwhelmed and need help, so that you earn the respect of others. We all know people who are more than happy to let someone else do the work that they should be doing. Let your colleagues know when you have some free time and are able to help them with something in return.
This is the one that bothers me the most, struggling on alone, is so detrimental to both your personal emotional and mental health, but also to your team’s performance. I am flabbergasted how often people admit they haven’t progressed something because they had a question or weren’t sure where to start. Always, always, always ask for help – be strong!
5) Protect Your Energy
There are certain people at work who can drain your energy if you let them. Sometimes referred to as “energy vampires,” their attitude and negativity can get in the way of your looking after yourself emotionally.
Avoid them if you can, and limit any interaction that you are forced by circumstances to have with them. But the key here, really is to set very clear boundaries, be more prepared to ensure you control the narrative of the conversation, get what you need and get away from the energy. Ensure you factor in some re-balancing time after – just 5 mins to get back into your positive mindset.
6) Accept all your Emotions, but Choose Which You Will Focus on.
“Feelings are much like waves. We can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.” —Jonatan Mårtensson
Emotions are neither good nor bad, and we all experience many every day. Instead of wasting energy trying to suppress negative emotions, ride them out, but don’t keep focusing on them. If you are experiencing positive emotions, extend them by focusing on them. In this way, you can extend your positive emotional energy, but don’t’ bury the negatives, so they can’t fester and grow.
Now, the key to all of the above brings us to my second point, be kind… both to yourself at all times, and to others.
We are all different, we think differently, we have different values and beliefs, we want different things, we focus on different ways of working and we approach stress and work differently too.
With every person you need to work with, amongst all those differences you will have something in common – it may be that you’re both parents, single children, divorced, working towards a promotion, passionate about a technology, driven by recognition, turned off by the same colleague’s negative energy, striving for the same mission, it really doesn’t matter what it is – all you have to do is find the commonality and be kind on the differences.
If you are stressed and struggling, then sure as hell everyone else is too in their own way. If the challenges of virtual communication, juggling home and work loads, adjusting to 8 hrs of screen-time, missing the social interactions, finding it hard to focus at home or finding the demand of the job more than you can give right now; you are not alone, and you need to be kind to yourself about – we are often our own harshest critics.
Try abstracting yourself from it and asking what you would say to a colleague or friend. Keeping your internal critic at bay is crucial to creating the right psychological conditions to accelerate through periods of rumination or self-doubt more quickly. It is far too easy to focus on the challenges, but provide yourself with balance – make sure you take the victory laps when you’ve earnt them. No matter how small – congratulate yourself for the things that go well, things you’ve achieved, habits you’re adjusting to support your well-being.
What’s even better is that many companies are now recognising that employee well-being is crucial to them too. Many compaies have recognised this have invested in apps or tools to help with this. One i like is unmind – a platform to help you measure, manage, and improve your mental wellbeing – anytime, anywhere, any device. It’s 100% confidential, full of tools and programmes to help support and improve your mental health.
If you can see what you’re going through, then that provides you with the compassion, empathy and kindness to also see that in others and that is what we all need at these times. So I’ll leave you with my 3 favourite quotes about kindness, and also one that I was sent yesterday, when I was having a hard day… it really lifted me and enabled me to get back to the me I chose to be.
“We Rise by lifting others” – Robert Ingersoll
“Kindness Cost Nothing, but Means everything”
“Try to be the rainbow in someone else’s cloud” Maya Angelou
Until next time…
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